Sticking it to Barnes & Noble

*thunder*

It's Hacking Barnes & Noble with Secret Hint Online's very own Dr. Zamphjeer!
(Ideas and Concepts actually by Confucious and T@nner)
I'm Dr. Zamphjeer with another Secret Hint for ya: If you're buying books and it gets over your budget, just take some pictures dummy! For your health.
Now, I NEED to clarify: I didn't think of this idea at all, all the credit goes to Confucious and T@nner.....Danny was there too....I merely typed it up and stuff...I needed to put Dr. Zamphjeer to add a little 'umph' the Tim and Eric joke. Anyways, onto the hackings.

Preface:

Normally, when you think books, you think of libraries, and nerds, etc. Libraries are free....all you really need is a bit of identification and you can get yourself access to a vast array of books and knowledge....for free. Seeing this freeness as an opportunity, the founders of Barnes 'n' N0ble, Mr. Barnes and Mrs. Noble (they failed library school and were having an affair...long story) started a vile and wicked branch of libraries that, was new in the sense that it offered lots of cool books, but evil and sinful in the sense that it forced its readers to pay for what they read. And the world was dark. Until this hack came about.
Now, thanks to the pleasures of contemporary science, there are multiple exploits one can perform at nearly every B'n'N to avoid actually purchasing a book, and thus, sticking it to the sinful lovers/free-knowledge haters. You got the "Johnny Cash" method, "Evidence" method, and internet method.

The "Johnny Cash" Method (One Piece at a Time an amazing exploit)

1. Grab your book of choice from the self. Maybe the Kama Sutra or The Adventures of Tom Sawyer?
   
2. Find somewhere to sit. They've got seats and benches in B'n'N....if they are full, the floor's nicely carpeted, and is perfect for sitting on....if all else fails go and "use the bathroom"...
3. Read as much as you want or can before the place closes.
4. When you are finished with your section for the day, use some toilette paper or a dollar (because they are both pretty much the same thing) for a bookmark or something--hell, they even have bookmarks in the store you could use, and they're purdy, too.
   
5. Either hide the book somewhere in the store if it is a good book--under the chair you read from maybe, or behind a shelf...you could just put it back on the shelf if it is a bad book (nobody buys bad books, hahahhahahaha). If you sucked at hide and seek when you were little, just write the page number on your hand with a sharpie or pen, and just pick up the book again when you come back to finish.

Pros: It's completely free....time consuming, but free. But what book isn't time consuming?

Cons: There's usually old folks (who know about this hack...) sitting in the comfy chairs, so you're usually going to be stuck standing, sitting on the floor, or going to the bathroom. Also, if you try to hide it, the janitor might find it and re-alphabatize it.

READING FUCKING KICKS ASS

The "Evidence" Method

1. Bring your digital camera with you the next time you goto Barnes and Noble.
   
2. Again, grab your book of choice from the shelf. Might I suggest Dr. Seuss or Robert Anton Wilson?
   
3. Find a secluded/not-suspicious-looking area (again, the bathroom is spiffy, but other good spots include the magazine area or the children's area....you could also probably make up a good story if you were a "photography student" in the art section) and start snapping pictures. Take a picture of every single page if you'd like, or just the key ones (the ones that have illustrations, boobs, dangerous information, etc.).
   
4. Buy something, or just leave with your "book".
   

Pros: You will have the book later for reading whenever you want, from the pleasure of your home. You could even feasibly print out the whole book if you wanted to. (Don't sell it though--books should be free.) This method is especially useful if you are stuck in a game; simply snap pictures of a strategy guide's maps and tables for reference later.

Cons: How do you explain taking a picture of an entire book? Sure, a student story or an investigation story would help, but it can only go so far... Also, this method takes a lot of work--you gotta turn each page, snap each picture, hide from employees and customers...all while under the pressure that there might be video cameras watching you. There's also the issue of quality: if you plan on using a cellphone camera or out-dated digital, you might be fucked when it comes to quality and size...if your hiding spot is dark, you are going to be fucked when it comes to lighting...




















The Internet Method

1. Goto g2p. (there's a link on the right, lazy bastard)
   
2. Click ebooks and type in the book, and hit enter.
3. Search the results for your book of choice.
   

Pros: It's fast, easy, and tricks Google to finding what you need. It's far less risky than taking pictures.

Cons: You might not get what you're looking for. You don't get the pleasure of 'feeling' the book between your hands...or the smell of each inked page...

Summin' it Up:
This is the basic foundation for getting around paying for a book. Remember, if you are really on a budget, there's always libraries--they smell like shit, have creepy people in them, and probably won't have the book you're looking for, but they are there. So there you have it, you dummy.


For your health.